I am scared.
I am scared of mediocrity, of anonymity. I don’t want to be famous. But I want to be remembered. I want to have an impact on humanity, so that in one thousand years time people will whisper my name in reverence.
There are seven billion people in this world. I am smarter, faster and stronger than most of them. But there are always those who are better. And if there are those who are better than what is the point? If I am not the best, than who am I? I am nothing. I am alone.
If I could find that person, that person that is for me I think I would feel complete. I know they are out there and I am terrified I will never find them.
I am tired, tired of the same old tired world. I would never end it. I am not that stupid. But I want to go. My world is cold and empty and I want better. I want to write and feel alive. But everywhere is the world in which I must live.
I feel dumber every day. Everywhere I look I see people taller, smarter, faster, stronger. I repeat the same thoughts, I know, and this disgusts me. My own human stupidity. Every day I make mistakes. Small mistakes. I want to fight too. But I am too tired. ‘’The solving emptiness that lies under all we are…’’
Submitted by SM
aplaceforthoughts.wordpress.com 
I am having a hard time finding the right words here but I did want to thank you for taking the time to submit your thoughts and share them with all of us. I’ll come back and comment when I can put my thoughts together.
I liked what you had to say and I can agree with it. I can relate to the fear of being forgotten.
However, I wish you hadn’t called the act of suicide “stupid.”
Suicide, or “leave it all” is not stupid or cowardly or whatever. No one can understand suicidal thoughts unless you’ve been there. Unless you yourself have felt so entirely hopeless that you know one pill, one slash, or one rope could take away your pain.
If you haven’t felt like that don’t talk about it. And don’t call it “stupid.”