I grow old. And tired. Things change, this is certain. But I’d always hoped
they’d change because of me, not in spite of me. I look at where I was, where I
am, and where I hoped I’d be and realize that none of them are anything what I’d
dreamed. Maybe this is for the best. Perhaps disappointment is the best
inspiration. But right now it feels crushing. Waves of regret are all I can
feel. Regret and disappointment, not only in me but in others. The people I was
surrounded by, they were supposed to be more than this. They were supposed to
make me compete. Instead they stand idle with me.
Certainly my station in life cannot be blamed on them. As much as I would not consider my success theirs either. And maybe this is the problem. And maybe this is the beauty of it. And maybe I see more than there is. Perhaps I think too much,
dream too often, and act to little. I don’t know, and may never know. I read
once somewhere that the greatest torture a man can endure is at the end of his
life seeing who he is standing next to everything he could have been had he made
all the right choices. Right now nothing could seem more true. I can feel that I
was meant to be more than I am, I can see that I am not fulfilling my potential.
What I cannot understand is how I’ve strayed so far. Everything seemed so
promising.
I speak in ifs and maybes, uncertainty plagues this very ejaculation. As if to emphasize my point I say maybe this is the meaning of life. To never know, to always question, to perpetually seek and wonder. But I doubt it. I don’t think greatness comes to those who question everything but to those who answer it. And I suppose I haven’t come to my answer. But if I had things would be much less… enjoyable. For now I will bow my head, say my prayers, and carry on hoping for change brought by my hands, not to them. Until then I will persist. I must persist.
Submitted by David
aplaceforthoughts.wordpress.com 
David,
Thank you for submitting to aplaceforthoughts.com. I’ve read your submission a few times now and it spoke to me for a couple different reasons. I do like how you ended with persistance because you can still pursue and reach your dreams. I think being discouraged and feeling down about whatever is going on is just natural. It is hard (impossible even) to be completely positive 100% of the time, especially when something hasn’t gone the way we hoped.
I hope you are feeling better today. Sometimes writing does help. I do want to share a quote with you that I read last week and that I’ve read several times since. When I originally read your submission I immediately thought about this quote. Perhaps you are already familiar with it but…
“Whatever happens to you belongs to you. Make it yours. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Let it nuture you, because it will.” ~Cheryl Strayed
I hope that crushing feeling disappears soon and that working towards your goal gives you the peace and positive energy you deserve. Best wishes.
I can relate to your troubles, David. What you feel, you see or imagine is exactly the way I do in life. I feel there is someplace out there that is meant for me. The Ideal place that I’ve been dreaming eversince. But like you, until now I haven’t seen any trace of it yet. And because my ideals isn’t a reality yet, I sometimes feel I’m having trouble distinguishing what is ought to be real over the impossible.I have many questions in life aswell. Those which are never asked by anyone. and I think I’m the only one thinking of it. And I think differently that’s why I felt no one undestands me except myself. But that’s not th point. The thing is the way you said “you don’t think greatness comes to those who question everything but to those who answer it”. That is so true. I agree to you on that. In fact that served to me as some sort of advice. I’ll be keeping that in mind I think.