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Posts Tagged ‘baby’

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. I know I wrote about this date earlier in the year in this post. I just wanted to take a minute to honor the little ones gone too soon and to remind all of you who have experienced a loss that you are in my thoughts.

In just a few minutes it will be 7pm and I’ll be lighting a candle in honor of all the little ones gone too soon. If you’d like to talk about your angel feel free to tell us about them in a comment or feel free to go to the submit your story page and I can share your story as a submission.

An angel in the book of life wrote down my baby’s birth. Then whispered as she closed the book “too beautiful for earth.” ~Author Unknown

www.october15th.com

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Two years ago today I was getting ready to head to the hospital to say goodbye to my baby for good. It was less than two days since I had heard the words “honey, we can’t find the heartbeat” and “let’s try the other ultrasound machine” and “I’m so sorry – let’s talk about your options.” My previous appointment went well and although I always tried to prepare myself for the possibility that something could go wrong it didn’t really. I told myself about others that I knew who had suffered a loss and how common it seems to be. I think I was trying to protect my heart just in case.

When I got to the hospital I was asked a gazillion times why I was there. Everyone made me tell them over and over so that they knew that I understood what was happening. So that they knew I understood that my baby didn’t make it and that shortly I would no longer be pregnant. The only person that didn’t make me tell them was my doctor who came in to talk to me before they gave me anesthesia. She did ask me if I wanted to talk and reassured me that there was not a chance this was a mistake; that there was definitely no heartbeat and she gave me a hug.  At least she didn’t make me tell her that I was there so that they could take what remained of my blessing away from my body. The one that I wasn’t able to grow and nurture. I was only 10wks 4days pregnant but it didn’t mean that I loved the child any less than if I was further along. On the ultrasound a day and a half before my baby measured 7wks 2days so that is when everything stopped. Since heartbeats usually start in pregnancies during week 5 and are typically visible during week 6 it means this one was probably only beating for about a week.

When I came home from the hospital and for the next couple days I received some very sweet cards, some flowers, some literature on angel babies and loss for “when I was ready for them.” I was blessed to receive some kind support and some beautiful cards but one stood out from the rest. It’s not that when I was opening my mail I expected it to be like the others but this one was a sympathy card. I knew immediately that this person had suffered a loss. We ended up talking about it via email later on and she was one of the ones who knew just what to say.

My last ultrasound taken at that appointment sits on my dresser in a cream-colored frame that reads I have you in my heart.

To my lost little one: I so want you to know that I do have you in my heart. I see a reminder of you every single morning when I wake up and I think of you often. I imagine you as some angel for someone who desperately needed you even though you were an answered prayer for me. Today, two years later, I still think of you and that is because I always will. Even though it was early and you were teeny tiny trying to grow strong you were loved and always will be. Thank you for being a part of me because even though losing you brought pain to me the love that blossomed in my heart the day I knew you were there will bring me joy forever. And I could never thank you enough for that.

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For those that don’t know October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The next time October 15th rolls around light a candle in honor of those gone too soon. If you have lost a little one that I’m sure you are already aware of this. If you know someone who has suffered a loss send them a hug on this day.

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Mother & Child

{this is one of those posts where you will learn something about me – one of my “stories”}

The time has come. I am a mom and I have officially spent more time with my baby than my mother spent with me. (She passed away at the young age of 26) I think about the new things that my baby has done recently and all the things that are still to come. It makes me terribly sad to realize just how much my mother missed with me. She definitely got a bunch of smiles out of me and I imagine some good laughs but there is a real possibility that she never heard me say “momma” – it just doesn’t seem right. And to have a child and never hear the words I love you from that child. That doesn’t seem so fair. One of the reasons I always wanted to be a mom was to be able to do the things she was never able to do. And now it’s happening.

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