Submission #14: Nighttime Prayers

In earlier years, sleep rated pretty high on my list of things I valued. Either hormones or a houseful of children trained me to be a light sleeper. That waking up at 3 a.m. and not returning to sleep until about 35 minutes before the alarm goes off was one of life’s tragedies for me.

It wasn’t until in my early 40’s that I understood the gift of time that was given to me. These quiet hours of stillness gave me the opportunity to pray for so many of my burdens, my loved ones, and friends. Eventually, I learned to appreciate this time. Then I spent a few years sleeping soundly and deeply. Not waking up at all. I actually had to make time out in my day for prayer. I think that may have been harder. I missed that quiet, uninterrupted time with the Lord, but I wasn’t about to set my alarm to change my restful nights.

Lately, I have been waking up again. Early hours. Long, quiet hours. I don’t get out of bed. I don’t grab my iPhone. No night lights and books. I just lay there and tell God all about what is going on with me. I am no longer resistant to this time and I must admit I wonder when I lay down at night if I am going to be awakened. And I don’t dread it.

Lack of sleep doesn’t affect my day nearly as much as lack of prayer.

Do you wake up in the middle of the night and find yourself unable to go back to sleep? Next time you find yourself awakened, pray. See if pouring your heart out to God isn’t the best use of this extra time God so graciously blesses us with.

Submitted by Shannon Coe from Arranged By God

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Submission #11: How long does it take to heal?

How long does it take a person to heal? Well it depends on healing from what. Physical injury? Scrape? Broken bone? There is a physiological process that happens with cell regeneration, nature of the injury, cleanliness of the wound and other things. But this can be roughly determined. I don’t have an answer – your physician or specialist would be better equipped to do that. But there is a generally defined timeline.

But what if it’s an emotional trauma? Say, the loss of a loved one, as family member? In which case I am looking for answers to that very question and all I have found is “it depends.” As much as I’d really like to have a timeline of when the hurting stops I don’t think there really is one. It differs from day-to-day and sometimes hour to hour.

As you may well know, we are approaching four years since we’ve lost our son, Lcpl. James Kimple. And while the hurt has eased some, it is still there. Yes, I still will tear up talking about him. Hell, I’m having a hard time not crying as I type this in a hospital cafeteria (I am fighting a losing battle here). However my wonderful bride usually has a bit of an easier time talking about James lately. So if you see us together and ask us about James, usually she will answer. I don’t know why that is. It just is. “So it goes” as Kurt Vonnegut would say. This is not to tell you to not ask me about James. I do want to talk about him – this forum is certainly an example of that – just if you ask me in person you might need to give me a few moments.

At three years you’d think it’d be easier for me to talk or just think about James. I certainly would have thought as much. So at what point will it be less difficult? Hard to say. I am sure there will be a day when it gets easier. Maybe by talking about him more I can “work through it.” Maybe the idea of “working through it” is a bunch of crap. All I can say is that I believe it’s different for different people. Different facets of this process will be harder or easier depending on the makeup and thought processes of a person.

What I do know is that I have a fantastic bride and two wonderful sons to help. I have a good family that helps however they can. There are three awesome grandchildren that carry on James’ DNA. And I do have some pretty cool friends. Whether I am talking to them about James or something totally different I think it all helps.

But a definite end? In a strange way I hope it never ends. I feel that the sadness I feel is in direct relation to the amount of joy he brought to my life. I would never trade that for anything.

Submitted by J.D. Kimple from Riding with my Son

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Submission #7: Loving and Letting Go

This post is very personal to me, but I wanted to share this part of the journey to hold myself accountable and so that, if anyone else out there goes through the same thing either now or in the future, that something of what I say may help.
My Children are my world, I love them utterly, completely and nothing they could ever do or say will change that. I love them so much that the thought of one day losing one of them has been more recently more than I could bear. It’s not yet a year since Seraph had her formal diagnosis of Rett syndrome and in that year I don’t feel that as a family we have had time to draw breath before the next hospital visit or the next piece of bad news or crisis.
It has taken its toll on all of us.

For me it has thrown me more recently into a state of exhaustion and..yes I will admit it depression. I am admitting this because I am through with being not completely honest. Purely because of distance it has meant that hospital decisions have been mine alone to make, no fault of David’s, he has had more than enough to cope with being a father to our other 5 children and hold down a full-time and very demanding job.

My faith is very important to me but even that has been tested. I have looked into putting my trust elsewhere, other means of ‘saving’ my girl out of total desperation.

Believe me when I say all other means are futile. There is no magic answer. I have been so exceedingly stupid.
Today I have learnt that the only way I can save her and myself is to let her go. Gods care is more far-reaching than mine, Gods power and love for her more powerful than mine.
The all-consuming fear every time she gets poorly and stops breathing or starts fitting is made worse only because of my lack of trust in HIM who ‘Is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine’ (Eph 3:20)
Today I have asked for forgiveness. I’m not going to say for one instant that ‘yay, everything is going to be hunky dory now’.But what I am going to say is that I have made a decision…to Trust God with Seraphina and to Let Go. Something I haven’t ever before been able to do.

I don’t know what the future holds…but I know who holds it. I believe God knew I would come to this point…because He had already provided someone else apart from Him who understood my fears and who I have spoken to today. They know who they are and I thank God for them.
After I prayed initally…a piece of paper fell out of my Bible. I can’t even remember copying it..but I felt it falling out at this moment quite apt.
I’ll share it with you. Its called ‘When all means fail’ and is by someone called David Wilkerson.

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

Part of My Baptism Verse..because God knew…

”For I believe that neither death nor life,nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the Love of God which is in Christ Jesus Our Lord” Romans 8:38-39

Submitted by Caroline from Seraphina’s World

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Good Morning

I just wanted to send out a hello this morning. I’ve been missing for far too long and I do hope that changes soon. There are some things that I’d like to write about.

For those of you who don’t know I welcomed a healthy little boy into this world ten days ago and both baby and mom are still adjusting. If you have a moment let me know how you are doing by leaving a comment. I’d love to hear an update from everyone!

Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they’re already asleep. ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

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Sacrificing You

At different times during my life I have often thought about the sacrifices my father made as a parent — especially early on as a widower.  Things that he put on hold because all of a sudden two little ones had only him to count on. Not only was he still learning how to be a father, but he had to learn how to be a mother as well.

I’ve thought about it even more ever since I became a mom, especially when I was facing something difficult. And it came up again recently while talking to someone completely dear to me. We have to do a) or b) for the sake of our children.

Can I just ask – where do you get your strength? When you are dealing with something life altering, something that is a key component to your heart and soul, how do you do this without it affecting your children?

How do you feed them, play with them, read to them without them knowing your heart is hurting for some reason or other? Is it even possible? Is it something you manage to push aside until the hours of the night when your little one is nestled in bed? Do you worry that they can sense something? Where do you find the strength to sacrifice something that your heart needs to deal with for a more appropriate time?

I guess this is one of those things that you learn while going through it but I thought that this would be the perfect place to bring up this topic. And it could also be a good reminder that although we have to be strong for our little ones it is also okay and necessary to take care of ourselves. I found the below quote yesterday and it brought me a sense of peace while thinking of these things that are on my mind. You can almost feel the hope in it, can’t you?

Where there is great love, there are always miracles. ~Willa Cather

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Recognizing Love

Throughout the day yesterday I had thought about love. I had an idea of what I wanted to write about and had all intentions of doing so last night. While the idea was fresh. Then I heard that my grandmother was taken to the emergency room. The world stopped and my evening was rearranged. At some point I think I’ll still try to write about where my thoughts were yesterday but it isn’t going to be this morning.

For now I want to ask you what love is to you. Where do you recognize love in your day? When you think of love what do you immediately think of?

I imagine some people who are married would quickly say their husband or wife and some parents would say their children. Not everyone has children or a significant other. Some may see it in the work that they do. Or through a child they saw at the grocery store. Perhaps they see love in nature. Love is all around us.

Although I felt blessed at different times throughout the day yesterday things quickly changed when I received that phone call. The one where your chest tightens and your heart starts to race. I was feeding my little guy dinner and then I dashed out the door and got to the emergency room right away. When I walked into my grandmother’s hospital room she looked up and said “There you are. I just knew you would be here with me when you found out. ” There it was. The love in my day.

Grandma – I love you. I always will.

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~Brandi Snyder

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Good Riddance

Have you ever had someone in your life that was just not good for you? We all have I’m sure.

Yesterday I was thinking of one person in particular. She popped into my mind and I immediately felt a sense of comfort knowing that I no longer have to deal with her. It reminded me of this quote by Sun-tzu: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer. Which is how I felt I had to interact with her. It wasn’t always that bad but at times pretty close!

She was the type of person that if you pissed her off she threatened to make your life miserable. Correction: It wasn’t if you pissed her off it was if you didn’t do what she wanted you to do. There would be times that I would sometimes learn that she would be speaking for or about me and although some of the things may have been true they were always exaggerated. We were once colleagues and I remember feeling relieved so often that she wasn’t a supervisor of mine. Although if there was a public event she was the type of person that acted as if everyone worked for her. You know the type!

At times I wish I had been a stronger person. I wish that I was able to tell her just what I thought and that I could do what was best for me as a person but you know how it is in the workplace. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice. I remember the first Monday morning that she was no longer there. It was a renewed environment!

Think of the toxic people in your world today. If you can’t help them or get them out of your life then try to do a little something to separate yourself a bit. Do something for you.

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