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Posts Tagged ‘love’

Have you ever been in a crowd and all of a sudden you notice someone who you think looks familiar? In fact you believe it is someone you were once fairly close to. You start to question yourself.

“Is that really them?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Well, it can’t be.”

You quickly get to the point where saying hello is pointless because you are convinced that your mind is playing tricks on you. You continue on with your day and as it passes they enter your mind once again. Somehow you now feel that it was indeed them and you wonder why you walked by instead of saying hello for a minute.

It is amazing how a quick few moments like the above can quickly become something that overcomes you for a bit. For me it is a reminder that there are so many people and surroundings that have made me what I am today. Because every situation and person that has been a part of my life has provided me with something. Whether that something was a positive or negative; it shaped me. I think of the ways that I have shaped others. There are moments I can be proud of and others I’d change if I could. But then if those moments didn’t happen the way they did; today wouldn’t be the today that it is. For either party. Something to think about, isn’t it?

I was looking through some quotes and ran across the one below and felt it was perfect for what I started to write here. It is so true. Just perfect.

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~Francois Muriac

To everyone who has left a mark on my forever, thank you.

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Throughout the day yesterday I had thought about love. I had an idea of what I wanted to write about and had all intentions of doing so last night. While the idea was fresh. Then I heard that my grandmother was taken to the emergency room. The world stopped and my evening was rearranged. At some point I think I’ll still try to write about where my thoughts were yesterday but it isn’t going to be this morning.

For now I want to ask you what love is to you. Where do you recognize love in your day? When you think of love what do you immediately think of?

I imagine some people who are married would quickly say their husband or wife and some parents would say their children. Not everyone has children or a significant other. Some may see it in the work that they do. Or through a child they saw at the grocery store. Perhaps they see love in nature. Love is all around us.

Although I felt blessed at different times throughout the day yesterday things quickly changed when I received that phone call. The one where your chest tightens and your heart starts to race. I was feeding my little guy dinner and then I dashed out the door and got to the emergency room right away. When I walked into my grandmother’s hospital room she looked up and said “There you are. I just knew you would be here with me when you found out. ” There it was. The love in my day.

Grandma – I love you. I always will.

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~Brandi Snyder

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Two years ago today I was getting ready to head to the hospital to say goodbye to my baby for good. It was less than two days since I had heard the words “honey, we can’t find the heartbeat” and “let’s try the other ultrasound machine” and “I’m so sorry – let’s talk about your options.” My previous appointment went well and although I always tried to prepare myself for the possibility that something could go wrong it didn’t really. I told myself about others that I knew who had suffered a loss and how common it seems to be. I think I was trying to protect my heart just in case.

When I got to the hospital I was asked a gazillion times why I was there. Everyone made me tell them over and over so that they knew that I understood what was happening. So that they knew I understood that my baby didn’t make it and that shortly I would no longer be pregnant. The only person that didn’t make me tell them was my doctor who came in to talk to me before they gave me anesthesia. She did ask me if I wanted to talk and reassured me that there was not a chance this was a mistake; that there was definitely no heartbeat and she gave me a hug.  At least she didn’t make me tell her that I was there so that they could take what remained of my blessing away from my body. The one that I wasn’t able to grow and nurture. I was only 10wks 4days pregnant but it didn’t mean that I loved the child any less than if I was further along. On the ultrasound a day and a half before my baby measured 7wks 2days so that is when everything stopped. Since heartbeats usually start in pregnancies during week 5 and are typically visible during week 6 it means this one was probably only beating for about a week.

When I came home from the hospital and for the next couple days I received some very sweet cards, some flowers, some literature on angel babies and loss for “when I was ready for them.” I was blessed to receive some kind support and some beautiful cards but one stood out from the rest. It’s not that when I was opening my mail I expected it to be like the others but this one was a sympathy card. I knew immediately that this person had suffered a loss. We ended up talking about it via email later on and she was one of the ones who knew just what to say.

My last ultrasound taken at that appointment sits on my dresser in a cream-colored frame that reads I have you in my heart.

To my lost little one: I so want you to know that I do have you in my heart. I see a reminder of you every single morning when I wake up and I think of you often. I imagine you as some angel for someone who desperately needed you even though you were an answered prayer for me. Today, two years later, I still think of you and that is because I always will. Even though it was early and you were teeny tiny trying to grow strong you were loved and always will be. Thank you for being a part of me because even though losing you brought pain to me the love that blossomed in my heart the day I knew you were there will bring me joy forever. And I could never thank you enough for that.

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For those that don’t know October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The next time October 15th rolls around light a candle in honor of those gone too soon. If you have lost a little one that I’m sure you are already aware of this. If you know someone who has suffered a loss send them a hug on this day.

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Michelle at SomeGirl’sWebsite invited me to submit a guest post this week. She is enjoying some time away with her family and has asked four people to submit guest posts this week for her. My day is Thursday. Today. It’s here. I have to admit that I’ve been nervous about it! Sometimes I spend a lot of time deciding what to write on my blog let alone someone elses! I was surprised and honored that she asked me to take part in this. So, Michelle, thank you for having me!

If you are here at aplaceforthoughts.com because of my post on Michelle’s site – thank you for taking the time to come here. I hope you enjoy the site and that you’ll be back again!

Here is my guest post titled Lifted with love:

It was a beautiful day yesterday. My little guy and I headed out for lunch plans and on the drive home I realized just how beautiful it was. Part of me started to wonder if it was because it was the first time I had been out in a week (little guy was sick) or if it was that I was actually noticing the beauty of the day. I like to think that I notice beautiful things all the time but this was different. I could feel it… (click here to read the rest!)

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March 12th is a special day. It always has been – at least in my world. Today my angel celebrates a birthday. Don’t think by my wording that I think I know anything about the afterlife or angels;  I am just celebrating someone who I love. Someone who loved me and gave me my eyes, my passion, my personality, my life. Someone with strength and courage (can you send some of that down to me by the way?). I hope that my angel enjoyed her time here on this earth. I hope that she was happy in her last days. Heck, I hope she was happy most of the time.

I wonder if she knows how loved she was and still is. I wonder if she knows that I look just like her.

I wonder if she knows that a few years back someone came into my office looking for some information. She didn’t know my name yet and just kept staring at me. She finally said – “I’m so sorry. You just look like someone I went to school with. I used to sit behind her in class and play with her long brown hair – that was so long ago.” At the end of our meeting I gave her my business card and she said “is your father (enter name here)?” when I replied yes she looked stunned, I think stunned is the right word, and she said “I was talking about your mother”. What a small world. When she spoke I could feel love and kindness for my mother so I knew that they had an impact on each others lives. I later asked my grandmother about her and she said they were very close in school.

So, Mom, Happy Birthday – if you never got to hear me say anything to you, I’m sorry. But I hope you know I love you.

Be an angel to someone else whenever you can, as a way of thanking God for the help your angel has given you.  ~Quoted in The Angels’ Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

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Mother & Child

{this is one of those posts where you will learn something about me – one of my “stories”}

The time has come. I am a mom and I have officially spent more time with my baby than my mother spent with me. (She passed away at the young age of 26) I think about the new things that my baby has done recently and all the things that are still to come. It makes me terribly sad to realize just how much my mother missed with me. She definitely got a bunch of smiles out of me and I imagine some good laughs but there is a real possibility that she never heard me say “momma” – it just doesn’t seem right. And to have a child and never hear the words I love you from that child. That doesn’t seem so fair. One of the reasons I always wanted to be a mom was to be able to do the things she was never able to do. And now it’s happening.

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