Submission #15: Tiring Thoughts

I grow old. And tired. Things change, this is certain. But I’d always hoped
they’d change because of me, not in spite of me. I look at where I was, where I
am, and where I hoped I’d be and realize that none of them are anything what I’d
dreamed. Maybe this is for the best. Perhaps disappointment is the best
inspiration. But right now it feels crushing. Waves of regret are all I can
feel. Regret and disappointment, not only in me but in others. The people I was
surrounded by, they were supposed to be more than this. They were supposed to
make me compete. Instead they stand idle with me. 

Certainly my station in life cannot be blamed on them. As much as I would not consider my success theirs either. And maybe this is the problem. And maybe this is the beauty of it. And maybe I see more than there is. Perhaps I think too much,
dream too often, and act to little. I don’t know, and may never know. I read
once somewhere that the greatest torture a man can endure is at the end of his
life seeing who he is standing next to everything he could have been had he made
all the right choices. Right now nothing could seem more true. I can feel that I
was meant to be more than I am, I can see that I am not fulfilling my potential.
What I cannot understand is how I’ve strayed so far. Everything seemed so
promising.

I speak in ifs and maybes, uncertainty plagues this very ejaculation. As if to emphasize my point I say maybe this is the meaning of life. To never know, to always question, to perpetually seek and wonder. But I doubt it. I don’t think greatness comes to those who question everything but to those who answer it. And I suppose I haven’t come to my answer. But if I had things would be much  less… enjoyable. For now I will bow my head, say my prayers, and carry on hoping for change brought by my hands, not to them. Until then I will persist. I must persist.

Submitted by David

The Oak Tree

I wanted to share this poem by Johnny Ray Ryder, Jr. with you today just because I know we all sometimes need some encouragement. I imagine that it isn’t new to you, but I do feel it is a poem worth reading again. I know that I’ve read it a few times this week and that I came across it right when I needed to. Take a moment or two to breathe and reflect today. Wishing you strength, peace and hope. Today and always.

The Oak Tree

A mighty wind blew night and day.

It stole the oak tree’s leaves away,

Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark

Until the oak was tired and stark.

But still the oak tree held its ground

While other trees fell all around.

The weary wind gave up and spoke,

“How can you still be standing, Oak?”

The oak tree said, “I know that you

Can break each branch of mine in two,

Carry every leaf away,

Shake my limbs, and make me sway.

But I have roots stretched in the earth,

Growing stronger since my birth.

You’ll never touch them, for you see,

They are the deepest part of me.

Until today, I wasn’t sure

Of just how much I could endure.

But now I’ve found, with thanks to you,

I’m stronger than I ever knew.”

Submission #14: Nighttime Prayers

In earlier years, sleep rated pretty high on my list of things I valued. Either hormones or a houseful of children trained me to be a light sleeper. That waking up at 3 a.m. and not returning to sleep until about 35 minutes before the alarm goes off was one of life’s tragedies for me.

It wasn’t until in my early 40’s that I understood the gift of time that was given to me. These quiet hours of stillness gave me the opportunity to pray for so many of my burdens, my loved ones, and friends. Eventually, I learned to appreciate this time. Then I spent a few years sleeping soundly and deeply. Not waking up at all. I actually had to make time out in my day for prayer. I think that may have been harder. I missed that quiet, uninterrupted time with the Lord, but I wasn’t about to set my alarm to change my restful nights.

Lately, I have been waking up again. Early hours. Long, quiet hours. I don’t get out of bed. I don’t grab my iPhone. No night lights and books. I just lay there and tell God all about what is going on with me. I am no longer resistant to this time and I must admit I wonder when I lay down at night if I am going to be awakened. And I don’t dread it.

Lack of sleep doesn’t affect my day nearly as much as lack of prayer.

Do you wake up in the middle of the night and find yourself unable to go back to sleep? Next time you find yourself awakened, pray. See if pouring your heart out to God isn’t the best use of this extra time God so graciously blesses us with.

Submitted by Shannon Coe from Arranged By God

June 17, 2001

June 17, 2001 was a Sunday. It was also Father’s Day. A couple of weeks ago I thought about writing about this particular Father’s Day and then I looked at the calendar and realized that Father’s Day fell on the same date this year! It felt almost coincidental.

I’ve always tried to find special gifts or reminders to give to my Dad on his birthday, Christmas and Father’s Day. Sometimes I go overboard but I only have a few occasions every year that I can really buy for him – so why not? Sometimes the perfect gift comes to mind quickly. Other times I look around a few times before finding the perfect gift. As the special day approaches I find myself getting more anxious when I haven’t come up with something. In the end, I usually do okay.

But Father’s Day 2001 was a memorable one. Not because of something I gave him but because of something he gave me.

That year both of my grandfathers were still alive so it was a busy day. I went to church in the morning, visited both of my grandfathers, and spent as much time with my Dad as possible. Watched him open gifts and had dinner; the typical Father’s Day get together. As I said goodbye to my father and started towards my car he handed me an envelope. I remember asking him what it was and he just said that it was for me and wished me a Happy Father’s Day.

Driving home that night seemed to take longer than it normally did just because I had something I wanted to open. I remember pulling into my driveway and opening the envelope before I even went into my house. Inside was a letter and a CD. I won’t go into all the details of the letter but it started like this:

Dear ____,

Today is Father’s Day. I wanted to make this one especially special by giving you a gift. You’re probably wondering why I would do such a thing. There are more than a few reasons. But firstly, it is because I could never have been a father without you. You are responsible for some of the greatest moments of joy that I shall ever experience in this lifetime… (This might be the first moment that I started to choke up reading his letter. Scratch that. I choked up when I realized I had a letter so that must have been the line that triggered the first tear!)

It went on from there but I will probably continue to keep the rest of the letter between my Dad and I.

Towards the end of his letter he reminds me to keep God in my life and that… when all else seems to fail, He will always be there. A reminder I really need from time to time.

Anyway, I guess I just want to send out a thank you to my Dad.

Because Dad, it’s you that didn’t let me quit.

You prompted me to learn a new skill.

You brought me energy that I could not have survived without.

You held my hand and sat awake all night during my hospital stay.

You pushed me to stand and push forward.

Tonight I thought I’d share a quote that seems perfect for today:

100 years from now it will not matter what kind of car I drove, what kind of house I lived in, how much I had in my bank account, nor what my clothes looked like but the world may be a little better because I was important in the life of a child. ~Forest E. Witcraft

Right now seems like the perfect time to grab a cup of tea, read this letter once more and then tuck it away for safekeeping once again.

Submission #13: Removing Roadblocks

I realized something about myself yesterday that I didn’t like. Sometimes, we’ve convinced ourselves that we’ve gotten over something bad. It could be a relationship gone sour, something that happened at work, an illness, a layoff, or the loss of someone you love. At the time it happens, the pain is so sharp that you wonder if you’ll ever be able to fall asleep at night again. But time passes, the pain dulls, sleep grudgingly returns, and you convince yourself that you’ve moved on. And that might not be true.

I have a chapter in my life that I desperately want to close. It’s been the source of a lot of unhappiness over the last several years. On top of that, I received a tremendous gift earlier this year in the form of someone new and special in my life. I still can’t believe my good fortune that this has happened to me. However, my inability to close the book on the sad chapter is a wall that keeps a deeper relationship just out of reach. Climbing over that wall is incredibly hard for me.

How does this make me feel? Sad. Frustrated. Angry with myself because my own weaknesses are coming between someone who makes me happy and me. I think these are all appropriate responses, but if I dwell on them too long, I won’t make the progress I need to make. I can curse myself, curse fate, and throw my hands up in despair. Or I can do some serious self-inspection, show a little courage, face my problems and do something about them. I pray that I will have the wisdom and fortitude to take that second approach.

I don’t think it’s ever too late for us to change ourselves. The day we stop trying is the day we start wasting our space on earth. I know where the warts are when I look in the mirror, and I know what I have to change. I just need to do the heavy lifting. And I think all of us are like that. We all have something that needs changing today. None of us knows how long we will be here, how many days we’ll have to enjoy the good things in our lives, and to remove those roadblocks that keep us from doing that. If it needs to be done, what better day to do that than today?

If you’re facing problems like these, think about what you can do today to start solving them. And if you’re so inclined, please pray for me and everyone else who needs to do this important work in their lives.

Submitted by Anonymous

Submission #12: Magic Remains

We have so many changes in our lives some are so major we are changed forever. In this change some of what was before hangs on no matter how much we try to not allow it to cross into now. When we really allow it in and allow the full experience of that song, that memory, that pure thought from a time never to reclaim we allow it to fully touch us again.

What it is that we tried so hard to block is a simple smile from a spark of life in our memory that was all the beauty and grace of true and innocent emotion that was so gently powerful the very first time we felt it. By some simple childhood type of magic it remains and the reason we may have blocked it was because we thought it may bring pain. Once allowed it brings nothing but a smile and relieves that spark from all pain and its magic is now magic again.

Mine was a song from long ago that brought a flood of memories and I blocked it from pang of tenderness it touched. Thank you, James Taylor, for I need to shower the people I love with love. The spark of smile is still there. I just needed to get past that twinge.

Submitted by TinManTwoFeathers

Signing Off

The other day I was dusting my little ones bedroom. On top of his dresser sits a large personalized piggy bank. When he was baptized I invited those in attendance to sign it for him. My first child had one and I thought it would be nice for the second one to have one as well.

While I was dusting, I took the time to look over a few of the inscriptions, and one jumped out at me. It read as follows:

God Bless you,____, You bring so much joy and happiness to my life. Love, ____

Sweet sentiment, isn’t it?

But, guess what?

This relative hasn’t even asked me how this little one is in over a year, how my other child is, or how I am.

She is very busy. Life is hectic. Running here and there. Hardly has time to fit everything into her day. She doesn’t seem to have time to communicate or acknowledge anyone anymore.

I can’t think of a birthday or Christmas that I’ve missed in her child’s life. Not one. I’ve yet to miss her birthday. You wouldn’t believe the number of calls or texts I’ve sent in support of job interviews, checking to see how doctor appointments went, or just to see how they were doing. I’m not saying that I’ve done these things because I expect them in return. I’ve done them because I care. What I am saying is that it is sad how some can so easily disregard those that they claim are important to them.

It is amazing that one who supposedly brings so much joy and happiness to another can be easily forgotten and dismissed. It takes two minutes to pick up the phone or a quick moment to send a happy birthday text. Quite difficult to do when you can’t fit anything else into your day though, right?

But wait…

That’s right.

Facebook.

Two hours or more each night.

She has time for that.

Something to think about, isn’t it?

I think it’s great that you can receive 51 happy birthday comments on Facebook because of all the friends you’ve reconnected with or made online. On Twitter you can receive 18 good luck tweets fairly quickly before heading out the door to an interview because you have 500+ followers and you sent out one tweet.

But turn off your computer for a minute.

Forget about Facebook, Google+, Twitter, Pinterest and your other social media sites.

Pretend it’s your birthday.

Your phone rings. Who is it?

It rings again. Who is it now?

Who are the people that are truly a part of your life? Those that truly care about you?

Are you neglecting them?

Submission #11: How long does it take to heal?

How long does it take a person to heal? Well it depends on healing from what. Physical injury? Scrape? Broken bone? There is a physiological process that happens with cell regeneration, nature of the injury, cleanliness of the wound and other things. But this can be roughly determined. I don’t have an answer – your physician or specialist would be better equipped to do that. But there is a generally defined timeline.

But what if it’s an emotional trauma? Say, the loss of a loved one, as family member? In which case I am looking for answers to that very question and all I have found is “it depends.” As much as I’d really like to have a timeline of when the hurting stops I don’t think there really is one. It differs from day-to-day and sometimes hour to hour.

As you may well know, we are approaching four years since we’ve lost our son, Lcpl. James Kimple. And while the hurt has eased some, it is still there. Yes, I still will tear up talking about him. Hell, I’m having a hard time not crying as I type this in a hospital cafeteria (I am fighting a losing battle here). However my wonderful bride usually has a bit of an easier time talking about James lately. So if you see us together and ask us about James, usually she will answer. I don’t know why that is. It just is. “So it goes” as Kurt Vonnegut would say. This is not to tell you to not ask me about James. I do want to talk about him – this forum is certainly an example of that – just if you ask me in person you might need to give me a few moments.

At three years you’d think it’d be easier for me to talk or just think about James. I certainly would have thought as much. So at what point will it be less difficult? Hard to say. I am sure there will be a day when it gets easier. Maybe by talking about him more I can “work through it.” Maybe the idea of “working through it” is a bunch of crap. All I can say is that I believe it’s different for different people. Different facets of this process will be harder or easier depending on the makeup and thought processes of a person.

What I do know is that I have a fantastic bride and two wonderful sons to help. I have a good family that helps however they can. There are three awesome grandchildren that carry on James’ DNA. And I do have some pretty cool friends. Whether I am talking to them about James or something totally different I think it all helps.

But a definite end? In a strange way I hope it never ends. I feel that the sadness I feel is in direct relation to the amount of joy he brought to my life. I would never trade that for anything.

Submitted by J.D. Kimple from Riding with my Son

Submission #10: Exhausted Thoughts

I am scared.

I am scared of mediocrity, of anonymity. I don’t want to be famous. But I want to be remembered. I want to have an impact on humanity, so that in one thousand years time people will whisper my name in reverence.

There are seven billion people in this world. I am smarter, faster and stronger than most of them. But there are always those who are better. And if there are those who are better than what is the point? If I am not the best, than who am I? I am nothing. I am alone.

If I could find that person, that person that is for me I think I would feel complete. I know they are out there and I am terrified I will never find them.

I am tired, tired of the same old tired world. I would never end it. I am not that stupid. But I want to go. My world is cold and empty and I want better. I want to write and feel alive. But everywhere is the world in which I must live.

I feel dumber every day. Everywhere I look I see people taller, smarter, faster, stronger. I repeat the same thoughts, I know, and this disgusts me. My own human stupidity. Every day I make mistakes. Small mistakes. I want to fight too. But I am too tired. ‘’The solving emptiness that lies under all we are…’’

Submitted by SM

My Guest Post – An Angel Visit

When I started aplaceforthoughts.com I was blessed to cross paths with some beautiful people. Betsy Henry was one of the first few and today I am grateful for her continued support and friendship. Betsy’s site, The Zen Mama’s blog, is peaceful and encouraging. She shares so much with all of us. She reminds us of the benefits of laughter and of smiling. She encourages us to let go of worry. She talks about parenting, acceptance, gratitude, peace, love, compassion and so much more.

Betsy has published two books. How To Be A Zen Mama and The Zen Mama’s Book of Quotes and I am happy to say that they both have a place on my nightstand. Shortly after meeting Betsy I ordered How To Be a Zen Mama and loved it! When I found out that her book of quotes was in the works I just knew I’d have to have a copy! Although I don’t use as many quotes as Betsy, I am quite the quote fan myself.

In October I shared this story. Betsy’s response? {This post gave me the chills! I so believe in angels. You got a powerful message through your son. I’m going to share this.}

And so she did.

This weekend Betsy posted An Angel Visit. Be sure to stop by to read it and spend some time on her site. You’ll be so glad you did!