My Guest Post – An Angel Visit

When I started aplaceforthoughts.com I was blessed to cross paths with some beautiful people. Betsy Henry was one of the first few and today I am grateful for her continued support and friendship. Betsy’s site, The Zen Mama’s blog, is peaceful and encouraging. She shares so much with all of us. She reminds us of the benefits of laughter and of smiling. She encourages us to let go of worry. She talks about parenting, acceptance, gratitude, peace, love, compassion and so much more.

Betsy has published two books. How To Be A Zen Mama and The Zen Mama’s Book of Quotes and I am happy to say that they both have a place on my nightstand. Shortly after meeting Betsy I ordered How To Be a Zen Mama and loved it! When I found out that her book of quotes was in the works I just knew I’d have to have a copy! Although I don’t use as many quotes as Betsy, I am quite the quote fan myself.

In October I shared this story. Betsy’s response? {This post gave me the chills! I so believe in angels. You got a powerful message through your son. I’m going to share this.}

And so she did.

This weekend Betsy posted An Angel Visit. Be sure to stop by to read it and spend some time on her site. You’ll be so glad you did!

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Walt’s Wisdom

Re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss what insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem. ~Walt Whitman

How does this quote make you feel?

What thoughts came to mind after reading it?

…dismiss what insults your own soul…

Love that. It almost gives you permission to let go of something that weighs you down. Or perhaps it provides the strength to stand up against the dismissing force that keeps you from being you. From being at peace. If nothing else it allows you to feel what is home to your soul and reminds you to acknowledge that peace. To let go of the stress in your day and be at peace.

…and your very flesh will be a great poem.

Yes. Yours. A great poem. Feel impossible? It isn’t.

Whether you realize it or not; it already is. Recognizing it is what is key.

If you feel calm, balanced, and at home in your soul then be grateful for that blessing.

If not then take a break. Go for a walk, or sit down with a cup of tea, perhaps go for a drive, pray, read a book, call a friend or family member, unwind, do something that relaxes you. Something that brings you to your peaceful place. You deserve that blessing. We all do.

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All You Need Is One

Years ago my grandmother gave me a worry box. I was going through something fairly difficult and this gift was more than a blessing to me. She couldn’t realize just how much it meant to me. At the time my grandmother was more interested in talking about what was happening at the neighbor’s house than anything sentimental.

Inside the box were three angels with a passage written that read: This box is for your worries, the aches within your heart. A place to tuck away your fears, where love and hope can start. So keep this box beside you, and know how much they care, for when you need peace and joy the angels will be there.

Throughout the years there have been times when this box was tucked away in a safe place. At other times it has even been forgotten but earlier this year I came across it on a day that I really needed to. Then the next day someone else came across it. My toddler.

As quick as he could he started shaking the box. By the time I got to him the angels were in pieces. Between lack of sleep and feeling sad I really didn’t study what was left of them because it seemed that they were all broken. I quickly skimmed for the sharp pieces of glass, got rid of them and then I closed the box and placed it on my dresser.

The other day my son grabbed the box again and walked towards me with it saying, “Angols, Angols!” With a smile at the way he says angel, I opened up the box to look at what remained. I gently pushed through the pieces and there it was.  One angel. Unharmed. Beautiful. Strong.

And I was reminded that all you need is one.

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Submission #7: Loving and Letting Go

This post is very personal to me, but I wanted to share this part of the journey to hold myself accountable and so that, if anyone else out there goes through the same thing either now or in the future, that something of what I say may help.
My Children are my world, I love them utterly, completely and nothing they could ever do or say will change that. I love them so much that the thought of one day losing one of them has been more recently more than I could bear. It’s not yet a year since Seraph had her formal diagnosis of Rett syndrome and in that year I don’t feel that as a family we have had time to draw breath before the next hospital visit or the next piece of bad news or crisis.
It has taken its toll on all of us.

For me it has thrown me more recently into a state of exhaustion and..yes I will admit it depression. I am admitting this because I am through with being not completely honest. Purely because of distance it has meant that hospital decisions have been mine alone to make, no fault of David’s, he has had more than enough to cope with being a father to our other 5 children and hold down a full-time and very demanding job.

My faith is very important to me but even that has been tested. I have looked into putting my trust elsewhere, other means of ‘saving’ my girl out of total desperation.

Believe me when I say all other means are futile. There is no magic answer. I have been so exceedingly stupid.
Today I have learnt that the only way I can save her and myself is to let her go. Gods care is more far-reaching than mine, Gods power and love for her more powerful than mine.
The all-consuming fear every time she gets poorly and stops breathing or starts fitting is made worse only because of my lack of trust in HIM who ‘Is able to do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine’ (Eph 3:20)
Today I have asked for forgiveness. I’m not going to say for one instant that ‘yay, everything is going to be hunky dory now’.But what I am going to say is that I have made a decision…to Trust God with Seraphina and to Let Go. Something I haven’t ever before been able to do.

I don’t know what the future holds…but I know who holds it. I believe God knew I would come to this point…because He had already provided someone else apart from Him who understood my fears and who I have spoken to today. They know who they are and I thank God for them.
After I prayed initally…a piece of paper fell out of my Bible. I can’t even remember copying it..but I felt it falling out at this moment quite apt.
I’ll share it with you. Its called ‘When all means fail’ and is by someone called David Wilkerson.

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—his love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

Part of My Baptism Verse..because God knew…

”For I believe that neither death nor life,nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth nor any other created thing shall be able to separate us from the Love of God which is in Christ Jesus Our Lord” Romans 8:38-39

Submitted by Caroline from Seraphina’s World

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Soliciting Strength

I’ve been meaning to write and explain my hiatus but I haven’t really found the right words. Hopefully I will do that very soon.

This morning I am writing with a request. Someone entirely dear to me is in need of prayers. Strength and prayers. So, I am asking everyone that reads this post to send up an extra prayer or positive thought. Think of others in your life that you know could use some extra courage and strength. Take a moment to breathe, reflect and strengthen these people as well. Even for yourself. We all need and deserve an extra lift, right? I know that I sure do.

Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees. ~Victor Hugo

I’m going to keep this prayer simple for now. Here is hope, love, strength, and courage. You are beautiful. You are a blessing. You are not alone. 

I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish that He didn’t trust me so much. ~Mother Theresa

God is with you. Do you see that one set of footprints? He is carrying you. Today and always.

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Loving Possibilities

I quoted Meg Ryan from one of her movies here at aplaceforthoughts.com once before. And I’m about to do it again. 

 

The other day Kate & Leopold starring Meg Ryan and Hugh Jackman was on television and I caught about 20 minutes of it. I watched it once before a couple of years ago and while watching the other day it reminded me that there was a part of the movie that really moved me the first time I saw it. So I decided to look up quotes from the movie to see if I was able to remember what it was. It didn’t take long to find what I was looking for…

—- 

Kate: …it’s a great thing to get what you want. It’s a really good thing unless what you thought you wanted wasn’t really what you wanted… because what you really wanted you couldn’t imagine or you didn’t think it was possible but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew… like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn’t have to take a poll and they loved you… 

—-

 

For me this was a get up and grab the kleenex kind of moment. The part that really struck me was …because what you really wanted you couldn’t imagine or you didn’t think it was possible…

 

Throughout life I have often allowed fear to control decisions that I’ve made. There have been times where what I’ve really wanted seemed so far out of reach or impossible. Or that even if it was possible that it would or could just easily slip away.

 

But you know what? It is possible.

 

And then there is this portion of the above quote:

 

…but what if someone came along who knew exactly what you wanted without asking they just knew… like they could hear your heart beating or listen to your thoughts and what if they were sure of themselves and they didn’t have to take a poll and they loved you…

 

Have you ever had this happen? It can be terrifying and completely lovely all at the same time. Some of us don’t get to experience this type of love, some of us do and it’s taken from us quickly, some of us have the luxury of living this type of love each and every day, some of us have a glimpse of it and the fear of the love leaving us or not being real controls how much we allow ourselves to let it into our lives.

 

But I’m going to say it again. It is possible. Have hope. Allow yourself the joy of being loved. Recognize that if this type of love is there that you are blessed. Not everyone experiences this. We only live once. Embrace it. It isn’t too late. It’s never too late. Believe.

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Sacrificing You

At different times during my life I have often thought about the sacrifices my father made as a parent — especially early on as a widower.  Things that he put on hold because all of a sudden two little ones had only him to count on. Not only was he still learning how to be a father, but he had to learn how to be a mother as well.

I’ve thought about it even more ever since I became a mom, especially when I was facing something difficult. And it came up again recently while talking to someone completely dear to me. We have to do a) or b) for the sake of our children.

Can I just ask – where do you get your strength? When you are dealing with something life altering, something that is a key component to your heart and soul, how do you do this without it affecting your children?

How do you feed them, play with them, read to them without them knowing your heart is hurting for some reason or other? Is it even possible? Is it something you manage to push aside until the hours of the night when your little one is nestled in bed? Do you worry that they can sense something? Where do you find the strength to sacrifice something that your heart needs to deal with for a more appropriate time?

I guess this is one of those things that you learn while going through it but I thought that this would be the perfect place to bring up this topic. And it could also be a good reminder that although we have to be strong for our little ones it is also okay and necessary to take care of ourselves. I found the below quote yesterday and it brought me a sense of peace while thinking of these things that are on my mind. You can almost feel the hope in it, can’t you?

Where there is great love, there are always miracles. ~Willa Cather

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Crowded Thoughts

Have you ever been in a crowd and all of a sudden you notice someone who you think looks familiar? In fact you believe it is someone you were once fairly close to. You start to question yourself.

“Is that really them?”

“Yes, I think so.”

“Well, it can’t be.”

You quickly get to the point where saying hello is pointless because you are convinced that your mind is playing tricks on you. You continue on with your day and as it passes they enter your mind once again. Somehow you now feel that it was indeed them and you wonder why you walked by instead of saying hello for a minute.

It is amazing how a quick few moments like the above can quickly become something that overcomes you for a bit. For me it is a reminder that there are so many people and surroundings that have made me what I am today. Because every situation and person that has been a part of my life has provided me with something. Whether that something was a positive or negative; it shaped me. I think of the ways that I have shaped others. There are moments I can be proud of and others I’d change if I could. But then if those moments didn’t happen the way they did; today wouldn’t be the today that it is. For either party. Something to think about, isn’t it?

I was looking through some quotes and ran across the one below and felt it was perfect for what I started to write here. It is so true. Just perfect.

No love, no friendship can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~Francois Muriac

To everyone who has left a mark on my forever, thank you.

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Recognizing Love

Throughout the day yesterday I had thought about love. I had an idea of what I wanted to write about and had all intentions of doing so last night. While the idea was fresh. Then I heard that my grandmother was taken to the emergency room. The world stopped and my evening was rearranged. At some point I think I’ll still try to write about where my thoughts were yesterday but it isn’t going to be this morning.

For now I want to ask you what love is to you. Where do you recognize love in your day? When you think of love what do you immediately think of?

I imagine some people who are married would quickly say their husband or wife and some parents would say their children. Not everyone has children or a significant other. Some may see it in the work that they do. Or through a child they saw at the grocery store. Perhaps they see love in nature. Love is all around us.

Although I felt blessed at different times throughout the day yesterday things quickly changed when I received that phone call. The one where your chest tightens and your heart starts to race. I was feeding my little guy dinner and then I dashed out the door and got to the emergency room right away. When I walked into my grandmother’s hospital room she looked up and said “There you are. I just knew you would be here with me when you found out. ” There it was. The love in my day.

Grandma – I love you. I always will.

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. ~Brandi Snyder

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March 26, 2008

Two years ago today I was getting ready to head to the hospital to say goodbye to my baby for good. It was less than two days since I had heard the words “honey, we can’t find the heartbeat” and “let’s try the other ultrasound machine” and “I’m so sorry – let’s talk about your options.” My previous appointment went well and although I always tried to prepare myself for the possibility that something could go wrong it didn’t really. I told myself about others that I knew who had suffered a loss and how common it seems to be. I think I was trying to protect my heart just in case.

When I got to the hospital I was asked a gazillion times why I was there. Everyone made me tell them over and over so that they knew that I understood what was happening. So that they knew I understood that my baby didn’t make it and that shortly I would no longer be pregnant. The only person that didn’t make me tell them was my doctor who came in to talk to me before they gave me anesthesia. She did ask me if I wanted to talk and reassured me that there was not a chance this was a mistake; that there was definitely no heartbeat and she gave me a hug.  At least she didn’t make me tell her that I was there so that they could take what remained of my blessing away from my body. The one that I wasn’t able to grow and nurture. I was only 10wks 4days pregnant but it didn’t mean that I loved the child any less than if I was further along. On the ultrasound a day and a half before my baby measured 7wks 2days so that is when everything stopped. Since heartbeats usually start in pregnancies during week 5 and are typically visible during week 6 it means this one was probably only beating for about a week.

When I came home from the hospital and for the next couple days I received some very sweet cards, some flowers, some literature on angel babies and loss for “when I was ready for them.” I was blessed to receive some kind support and some beautiful cards but one stood out from the rest. It’s not that when I was opening my mail I expected it to be like the others but this one was a sympathy card. I knew immediately that this person had suffered a loss. We ended up talking about it via email later on and she was one of the ones who knew just what to say.

My last ultrasound taken at that appointment sits on my dresser in a cream-colored frame that reads I have you in my heart.

To my lost little one: I so want you to know that I do have you in my heart. I see a reminder of you every single morning when I wake up and I think of you often. I imagine you as some angel for someone who desperately needed you even though you were an answered prayer for me. Today, two years later, I still think of you and that is because I always will. Even though it was early and you were teeny tiny trying to grow strong you were loved and always will be. Thank you for being a part of me because even though losing you brought pain to me the love that blossomed in my heart the day I knew you were there will bring me joy forever. And I could never thank you enough for that.

———————

For those that don’t know October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. The next time October 15th rolls around light a candle in honor of those gone too soon. If you have lost a little one that I’m sure you are already aware of this. If you know someone who has suffered a loss send them a hug on this day.

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